Picture it – ancient Okinawa. It’s a beautiful summer’s morning and you’re just minding your own business; quietly tending to your rice patty. Suddenly, you hear screams in the distance. “What the hell?!”, they seem to be coming from your family farmhouse! You race back to find that some local prefect (aka “dumb-ass”) decided it was a good idea to get drunk on cheap saki, ride his horse over to your crib and start harassing your beautiful wife. Fortunately for you, you’ve been training in the ways of Karate-do basically since birth. Oh ya, and that “walking stick” leaning up against the wall? Well that just happens to be the world’s most dangerous piece of pine, when placed in the hands of a skilled kobudo expert…. and that just happens to be you. What happens next resembles something I saw in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie last week. A few good, strategically placed strikes and lets just say someone’s wife is very, very appreciative. *wink!

Seriously though, the Okinawan’s were great at two things.. fighting with their bare hands, and fighting with …. well, ….not-bare hands? Otherwise know as kobudo, or weapons. Over the next few weeks, we’ll explore the coolest Okinawan kobudo weapons to ever grace the hands of a Karate expert. Believe me, if you ever run into a guy wielding any of these little beauties, make like tree and leave. You’ll thank me for the advise.

So, whats first on our Top 5 List? Naturally, The Bo. Call’em Sticks… Big, long boom-sticks! Who knew ultra-straight pieces of wood could be so deadly. And heck, why not? I mean, if an assailant is charging you via trusty steed, what better way to un-politely dismount your nemesis than to spear him with a big long Bo. It has been argued throughout the ages, the validity of the Bo as the supreme weapon of choice for Okinawan, peasant warriors. Think of the Bo like kobudo’s version of soccer. It’s a skill that everyone can develop, no matter how poor you are. All you need is a fresh supply of trees and zing, you can make yourself a Bo. Sure, it sounds a bit Neanderthal-ish, after-all, you’re essentially beating a man with a tree branch, but at the end of the day you’ve got to use the tools available to you, right? The Bo is pretty popular among today’s Karate-ka. It’s the first weapon that pops into your head when you think Karate. As far as functionality, we asked one of the world’s greatest wielders’ of Bo, in which situation would the Bo come in most handy.

Scenario One – It’s the year 1753. You’re minding your own business, making your way from your neighbourhood to your neighbouring village. The sun-dial on your wrist reads somewhere around 7:30 in the evening, and it’s getting dark. Just like the old Okinawan nursery rhyme says, “If you walk the path of the cherry blossom as the sun falls behind the mountain, assholes will appear.”  BOOM, 3 ninjas make a smoke-cloud entrance, (I hate it when they do that) and they didn’t come to practice the Japanese tea ceremony.

Scenario Two – Everybody loves a good cup of saki! Personally, I prefer mine warmed up – but hey, to each there own. Anyways, you’re a retired prefect, living in Tokyo in the twilight of the Japanese feudal period. Some might argue that you had a few too many wobbly-pops, but it’s not like they had breathalyzers back then – and besides, who’s counting? You decide to drain the dragon in a back ally way, when what appears to be a small, carnival midget looking samurai suddenly appears out of no where, set on ending your life. I don’t know why – maybe his little dragon is not as ferocious as yours? …hubba-hubba!

So, what’s the verdict? … oh please, read on!

Bo Master (names have been changed to protect the innocent): “Well clearly Scenario One would call for a Bo. I can handle one ninja blindfolded, even two – assuming they are from Southern Japan. But when three descend, I like to pack a little extra protection. Given the Bo’s long reach, it’s bound to help keep you out of range of those pesky ninja swords. I generally use them to cut the veggies before dinner, but I guess in the hands of a skillful ninja a sword could be a threat? Anyways, no matter – I’d quickly dispatch the fist 2 assailants and make sure the third suffered for his insolence.

Me: Okay, cool. But what about scenario 2? I hear samurai are pretty nasty.

Bo Master: I eat midget carnival samurai for breakfast.

Me: …gross.

Well that settles it folks. Clearly my keen interviewing skills allowed me to really cut to the heart of the issue. Look out George Stroumboulopoulos, here I come! By now you must be wondering what other weapons make our covenant list of 5. Stay tuned next week, when we post part II, lovingly titled, “Sticks of Death“. 🙂

Until then… drop lower in your stance…